[[ 16 ]] OPEN, pt. II

So a few posts ago , I briefly mentioned my first meeting with Rika's father and stepmother . That was a really big event for us, and we were sincerely touched by the decency, respect and warmth they shared. The event was one of this year's highlights for me. Not only was it heartwarming, but it came to epitomize the very concept of people with very different ideas coming together to discuss and share, rather than denounce and fight. While I don't want to push Father Dad to accept me as his son-in-law, I must admit that I'm hoping he'll feel comfortable with that title in his heart one day. If the Lord works in mysterious ways... our new found friendship and alliance may well be one of them.
It is to me.

*Here I would add: I really like the fact that we share some very similar perspectives on many things, yet - clearly disagree about some others. I'm really enjoying that. There are so many conversations I want to have with him about his views, and ... already, I'm tickled to death that he can make jokes about mine!  We are healthy.

But this post isn't about me... it's actually about Marie's visit. Last night, Rika and Marie went out to make the same pilgrimage. I'm pleased to say the results were stellar!

Aside from being a devoted man of faith, Father Dad is...well... shall we say... a bit of a jokester?  He's got a mischievous spirit (I see where you get it from, Rika..) and a witty way of surprising you with a sarcastic comment when you least expect it! Also - he's experienced enough to be 'grumpy' about some things -- which is manna to Marie. You see...  Marie has a knack with grumpy old men... lol!
I should know; the older and crankier I get - the better she seems to handle me.  =)
So these two hit it right off!

In poly-relationships, we use a term which is found nowhere else... not even in the dictionary. That term is  " compersion ". It is the state of love which allows for us to feel delighted when we see our mates spiritually connecting with another, even if we are not directly involved. To the immature mind, that can sound like swinging or something. If you thought that, go take a cold shower, then come back and keep reading.

Go on.  Yes... you with the dorky looking smirk, missing the point.  I'll be here when you get back.

OK.   No - we're not swingers. Hey -- you've felt compersion too.
If you've ever felt that swell of your chest when you see your wife hugging your daughter, or your brother kissing his wife - that was compersion. Perhaps you felt it when your team won .. even though you were sitting on the bench. That's how it works. Its bigger than your own ego, or even your insecurities.
This empathetic perspective is crucial to the way poly families work; while they might practice polyfidelity like my family - we very much connect to joy achieved by sharing one another with others we love. In this way, we believe that love multiplies - not divides, as most monogamous perspectives might forecast.

So... Marie and Rika came home last night -- full of giggles and the sisterly silliness that I adore in them! Gushing like kids, they told me from start to finish about the evening, and how much they enjoyed meeting dad and Grace. Apparently, while my introduction to them was full of deep conversation and sharing, these jokers all got together for hijinks and a party! Lol!  The whole time I was listening.. I was grinning like an idiot... laughing, but also glowing inside. This is how it can be.
This is how it should be. Father Dad and Grace will receive the gifts of More --- inheriting a whole new family if they wish to, with new grandkids as well. This, just because they decided to not let old limitations limit new growth. Again, it's completely clear that this isn't easy for them. They aren't thrilled with the fact that this is their daughter's choice. But -- it's also evident that they are willing to allow a reasonable love to grow, searching for the positivity we can share.
That's as fair a shake as I would ask of anybody.

Rika couldn't be more proud, of course!  Her deeply religious family has responded to we beggars and lepers with more understanding and openness than any. She believed in him - and he delivered.
For that, Father Dad -- I salute you. You are the only man in the world who may love her even more than I do. This new growth has given her great peace of mind. Why? Because you have done a beautiful job of representing what you believe - in the most positive of manners, while compromising nothing.  You have delivered a demonstration of honesty AND love. High fives, sir.

And Marie..?  Well... here's what she asked me to post:

Being accepted has been something that I have struggled with my whole life. 

I am adopted....
.....while some people may see this as a positive thing: "you were chosen," I have often felt out of place with my adopted family. As a child I always wondered what my "real" parents were like and if they would understand me. But, as an adult, I see that being biologically related doesn't matter. You just love people for who they really are. The details aren't the summary of that love, just... details.

Yesterday, I met Rika's father and step-mother. This kind of communion was very important to me and the family. 

As you have witnessed firsthand, your daughter and I laugh all the time !! This is one of the best things about our relationship ~ she brings out the silliest parts of me! Now I see that her dad also does the same, with his wonderful sense of humor ! We laughed all evening long, and I thoroughly enjoyed the teasing which was doled out from all parties. The lighthearted nature of the evening was welcome and cherished. It was sweet to see Rika with her father. They really love one another. Differences and details don't matter to them. They work on it and keep on going.

Rika's step-mom was kind and supplied some tasty treats. She was also a wonderful pool partner. I did ok -- but I plan on getting better and *really* bringing it! Be warned!!  lol!  
Anyhow... I felt accepted, not just tolerated. I appreciate them for the love that they shared with me. 

And she's right. That's all it is: people sharing love.
We're all human. We're all sad AND amazing. Broken AND magnificent. Scared, yet struggling to just do the best we can! People can be strong, despite being so very alone and frail in this world.
Love - in its many incarnations, allows us to be greater than death or fear or ignorance. Even better and stronger than our own limitations. 
Real love, expressed responsibly -- makes us into better human beings. It adds to the depth and color of our world. It multiplies and rewards everyone.

Here's to 2013 and all the new Hope.

-C.D.

PS: It pays to be an insightful old man!  ( <---- click that link! )
                                     Father Dad --- you got game .

What IS a parent, anyhow?