A periodic table is a display of the chemical elements, organized on the basis of their configurations and properties. In each of our lives, the same can be said of those lives and personalities which compose our social world. As this blog is about my exploration of life equations, I should define these elements for future reference. I would do so in the simplest terms; speaking in relevance to how we are related, while avoiding any direct notation of names and details in order to protect their privacy. That respect will be maintained throughout any discussion.
The orbits of my immediate family form the protons which add positive charge and help define my perspectives. Others I would mention are also important.. as they influence the magnetic push and pull in how I relate to things. All of them give me energy - some positive, some negative.
This is perhaps where this journal truly begins; with a simple list of the people and relationships which, to great extent, make up the Universe I live in.
PROTONS:
Marie: The Firstwife and mother of our three children. We've been married for nearly 22 years, much of that very good. She is my Alchemist, obsessed with Health, organic cooking, and managing the body through natural observance. A believer in the merits of Yoga and hard work, but also - she's very silly. My dearest old friend.
Rika: The Newlove. She came to Marie and I about three years ago. She is my Archivist, with a bright curious mind and a relentless need for Deeper Understanding. Rika has a gentle disposition, but also a rather mischievous rebellious truth to her. This year, I helped her find something she had lost - a voice. After all, she is my newest and dearest friend.
Kitty: Our firstborn cub. A daughter. As beautiful as the moon by morning, but at times.. confused and conflicted, in the past - easily influenced by negative personalities. But we're seeing growth in her heart as she starts to understand and address her own nature. She has the keys to figure it out, but first.. she'll need to return to her more tender side. I believe she can do it, now that she has good reason to.
Sid: Second of our sparks. A handsome young man with a mind well beyond his 19 years. He has a powerful wisdom and a thirst for reason, but lacks the experience to fully apply it. He can be rash, lazy and aggressive, but I see him tempering those aspects with time. He will be a juggernaut if he masters himself.
Kaz (Kazuma): The final of our three wishes, a mercurial boy of 14 who is just starting to define himself. He's different, preferring things both younger and older than most boys his age, but this bears a certain sweetness to it. Even so, he's highly impressionable, so we do our best to steward him carefully - for fear that negative influences will confuse what appears to be a very tender heart.
ELEMENTS:
Mom: My mother, whom professes to hate me for motives of her own, these charged with raw emotion (about things that are far deeper than she and I). Still, I don't think she's ever been loved properly, for although she can be generous - she's never been tender. Nor happy, that I can recall. I suspect she needs something greater to believe in. I've no real idea what it is, only that I would give anything to help her find it. While that is unlikely, some portion of this exploration is about that possibility.
Dad: A man who is doing the best he can with what he has left to give. He loves me, but can't. Or won't. Even so, I see his heart - and am inspired by the things he cannot say. I know he wishes to be kind, and suspect that our estrangement bothers him, even as he does his very best to honor the choices he's made.
Mother Law: Marie's mother. She loves Marie, even if bewildered by her choices. Even so, she tries to be tolerant. She's also one of the best cooks I have ever known. And I love her hair.
Father Law: The kind of man they made back in the 50's. A wonderful musician and a hard worker.
Father Dad: Rika's father and, in ways - a kindred soul. The first time I met him, he seemed to understand me better than many who should. We connected. My hopes run high for this relationship, as he is an experienced pastor with a remarkable story of change and persecution in his own life. Between the three sets of parents, he has been the most open and forward...even while making it clear he does not approve. I respect that, and suspect that fate has compelled me to this man for a reason. And really, anymore.. I could use a father figure. Our perspectives on faith and other things differ, but Rika speaks highly of his depth for compassion before dogma. I have seen this from him, and it renewed my faith in a parent's love..
Grace: Rika's Stepmother. I liked her right off the bat! Smart and sassy, but also... generous and honest in the telling. Compassionate. I look forward to getting to know her.
Faith: Rika's birth mother: While we've yet to meet, I was encouraged by her recent actions. She's a deeply religious woman who recently surprised us when she responded to news of the relationship with relative calm and moderation. This was unexpected. It is entirely possible that we will become friends. I hope so.
Our genuine care for Rika and one another is only frightening to those who won't examine it directly.
MAGNETIC WAVE RESONATORS:
Dr J: my best male friend. This guys has been through a lot, some of it self-inflicted, but not all. Still, he tries. I love his humility and patience and am trying to absorb similar traits when around him.
Steph: Dr J's girlfriend and fiance. Soft spoken and warm. We really like her.
Crimsy: An old friend with a brilliant mind. Always trying to do better, even when life doesn't always work with her.
Wenni: You don't have to meet someone to know them. Wenni and I have never met face-to-face, but I've always held great regard for her depth and love of life. She's a princess in a threadbare dress, stained with motor oil and sweat. But that heart makes her royalty, even so.
Renee: a childhood pal whom I will always care for, even though we don't see one another anymore. But... what can you do? She's a papercut valentine and I care about her enough to fold. So we forgave and move on.
Seven: fringe to my world, yet still we remain connected. We don't hang out often, but I think we share some key perspectives about life. Also, super-binary smart. A little sad though? I wish we could help. There's a remarkable human being beneath her fragile, cellular skin.
NUCLEAR CATALYSTS:
Isa: The Canadian kid. We've been friends online since she was still in school. Now 22, we have shared some awesome adventures together. Cool parents. A dreamwalker who inspires my creative side.
Shandy and Mr Tall: Part of the set I met with Isa, she and her husband are also poly people. While they might protest, I'd label them Wonderful, Smart, Hypercreative Modern Hippies. Adored. They started on their search for a significant other even before being married. I wish Marie and I had been so aware...we fell into it backwards. These kids have it right.
*Incidentally, Marie, Rika and I are out to all of the people in two previous categories.
FREE RADICALS:
Coco: My estranged brother. I think we could have been good friends, had we lived in the same city. Unfortunately, it didn't happen and we're both too self-involved to keep in touch. He's a great martial artist. I wish I knew what kind of man he turned out to be.
Boyfriend: Kitty's fiance. A reformed young man who's trying to establish a new name for himself as an adult. Not a bad guy, but I suspect he lets poor habits and her negative ways override his good sense? They could help each other - but its going to take some time before they fully understand how.
Rika's Daughter - Currently serving in the Air Force.
Rika's Son - Currently serving in the Air Force.
That's the sum of it.
If I happen to share this blog with you, you can feel free to respond - but do yourself a favor and don't use my real name or your own, or else I'll be forced to remove your posting. Thanks.
Its funny... I really don't believe that things people think separate us are a reality.
Yet -- I hold that the things that connect us are very, very concrete indeed.
These relations exists, even if some of these people would rather they didn't.
Science is about facts.
Learning to better comprehend and appreciate the facts which govern our choices is the focus of this discussion.
-C.D.
For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.
- Carl Sagan
Anytime you push anything away, it's still there. Chances are, if you don't try to resolve it by being loving, you're being awful. Likely, more awful than you know. - Anon.
I’m going to try to heal my parents and save my family. This, done through the non-confrontational allowances a blog affords one – a voice, without the need to shout.
- The Scientist
