[[ 89 ]] Dear Fat People

Dear Fat People-

Today, I absorbed 0 calories from the meals you ate. 
However, I'm still going to force my diet on you. Please understand how much you need this. 

If you don't let me choose your meals, let's be clear - you are persecuting me! I have a divine right to choose what you eat! I have a book which tells me that I have the right to do so. Do you? No.

Meanwhile, pay no mind to the candy bars in my back pocket. You're trying to change the subject. Your kind always tries to twist the facts to suit their argument. That's how being fat works. You're focused on my candy bar because all you think about is how you can justify your lifestyle.
Besides, I'm only human.. I'm allowed to cheat on my diet every now and then. Just as long as I humbly acknowledge that I was hungry, and that NOW...  I'm sincerely sorry about all the chocolate around my mouth; I will still lose the weight. This is promised to me.
Can you say the same? What diet do you believe in?  None.
Then you need to accept that YOUR sinful desires are at the heart of the problem!

Look -- I love you and I'm just trying to do what is best for you: shaming and disowning you may be effective, but because I really care about your health, I'm going to do my best to make sure you don't have legal access to fattening snacks. Yes - like candy bars.  Go on -- I see your little smirk there...you can keep trying to act all smug and logical, but I have GOOD reasons for my mistakes! 

See... delicious treats like that should only be eaten by people like myself. People who respect the sanctity of snacking and only do so responsibly. So what if this is my third Snickers today? I know what I'm doing. I just need to ... shed a few pounds.. maybe get some plastic surgery or a tummy tuck and I'll be fine. Besides, we were all born fat, y'know?  This is inherent to ALL men, regardless of how many vegetables they'll eat later in life, or how hard they exercise! We are all BORN guilty of loving sweets and tasty things. 

But ....lest you be tempted, know that my book has declared that all appetites for snacks are unnatural!  
Do not be fooled by your naturally unnatural nature! It is AGAINST the very wishes of the infinitely-wise being who designed us this way! We did this to ourselves; when the first woman -- ignorant of any nutritional labeling, looked at an eclair and an apple hanging from a tree, and made the wrong choice. 

Yea I shall RENOUNCE her sins and yours - even as I forgive my own!     
REPENT and abandon all things impure!  Additives are falsehoods! 
They are mixed in with Seasoned and Packaged Lies, to sweeten the bitter truth! 

*Just like Christmas: a time when Christians celebrate their Pagan roots. 
     - Charles   http://realtruth.org/articles/169-ttooc.html

So.. you need to stop, right now. Get down on your knees and open your mouth to what I want to stuff in it! You need to be pious like me, and stop with all this NEW AGE nonsense and weird lifestyle choices! I don't know what 'quinoa' is - but it sounds like some sort of damned cult! Clearly - you're not happy being you!  That's why you do these things and don't accept your true nature! 
That's why you HATE healthiness!! 
You say you don't, but I can see a dark shadow hovering over you - and... it's really pretty wide.

I'm not judging you, but you should be ashamed! Think about how your choices make everyone else feel. What about your grandparents? What about your little niece? Or me? Think of how much I'm going to miss you when I'm in Thin People Heaven, and you're burning eternally in a lake of cherry pie filling and Cool Ranch Doritos...

So CHANGE YOUR WAYS! Until then, understand that we have to protect our schools and OUR way of life! If you want to be tubby, keep it to yourself. You guys have places where you can go, right? Where you all meet up and have your... orgies or banquets or whatever? So the rest of us shouldn't have to deal with seeing your kind everywhere... eating and kissing and holding hands like 'normal' people. It's gross!  
It's bad for our young people to be exposed to that. Bad for our future. And bad for America. 

Yes.... Our founding fathers believed in FREEDOM ...
   --- but, not for you gays lefties blackies jews irish vegans women hippies fatties meek.

Get right with Righteousness.   
*Or at the very least.... get yourself on a diet like mine, 
       -- so you can eat anything you want, then be angry with other people for making you feel fat. 

With great love and abhorrence,

- Thin Theists Everywhere

photo source: Post Secret Facebook page

Honestly...



- C.D.


* In case you missed the true angle of my parody: DON'T PANIC

** Yeah... I know the article is too long, but dang if I haven't heard every one of these wholly ignorant comments before, ad nauseam!! So venting a little was fun and therapeutic - please forgive my indulgence...  ^  ^

***  I'm not gay, but I am in an awesome, egalitarian and highly-functional interracial poly relationship (5+ years!); so I can relate to how OFFENSIVE it is to be told that your love is not valid. We've been the recipients of some amazingly shitty comments from people who are unhappy with life in general, and those who have remarried or otherwise made a mess out of their own faiths, families and romantic lives. Often, as they pursued their own fulfillment in the ways they thought were rational, just like everyone else...

So here's some advice to anyone who fears responsible adult happiness:

--- Those who *can* walk on tightropes, should.   Only them. 
I'd never recommend anything risky to anyone who can't deal with it. Equally, I'd never hold back those who could. As long as no one was being harmed and all involved were consensual, I'd just observe, perhaps finding fascination in a lifestyle which differed so much from my own. 

If you want to talk and discuss how a thing works - do so!  If you want to understand why such choices may not be right for you, I highly encourage that any sentient being be able to consider ALL options in life. Again, let's communicate! But at the end of the day... if you Just Can't Handle someone else's joy -----   please STFU and enjoy the show.

All this misapplied angst as you demonize others while doing nothing to build bridges? 
Utter bullocks!

Every man, woman and child you know is undergoing a continual process of construction and evolution. Genuinely trying, failing and trying again - in hopes of a more sustainable and meaningful happiness. Everybody here has chocolate all over their hands and a messy face! This, because we are compelled to adore sweetness while still hoping to mitigate the weight gain and agony in any consequences. However our stories may differ, our struggles and failures will forever be so commonly related. 
You too. 
Figure that out and contribute positively to the greater narrative. 

Your 'condemnation'? So poorly rationalized and created in your own image?
Listen - the first person who needed your good judgment and insight was you.

How'd that work out?