[[ 58 ]] SMART GIRLS FTW

Okay…  so I’ve been thinking about my perspectives regarding women. Not only because I'm actually trying to enlighten my inner idiot, but also because I like thinking about girls. It beats pondering the merits of long division. Not that I have a beef with long division... if that's your thing, rock on. It's just that my mind's not that linear, so it functions like a popcorn machine – full of fried chicken. Fried chicken makes me think of breasts and legs... and eventually we're back on the subject of women again. 

( Damn you, subconscious! I see what you did there... )

In my awkward youthfulness – I was admittedly so nervous and wobbly that if a girl just SPOKE to me, I spent the next six weeks dreaming of kissing her. I had one type of girl that I liked: Available. 

Alas, she and I never got together -- in middle school, I was a nerdy fella. 

Virtually overnight however, my gawky Star Trek body developed into a FREIGHT TRAIN OF MASCULINE PHYSIOLOGY.  Mmhmm. 

Ok… maybe that's overselling it a bit. 

But ...I really did grow some seriously broad shoulders, a handsome scowl and better sense of self. 

Even so – it took some time for my taste in women to catch up.

These days, my immune system is much more resistant to Anything in a Tight Skirt syndrome. Long gone are the years when all it took was a bit of exposed skin to make my pulse race and my stomach knot. Why, with my SUPER ADVANCED BRAIN I've come to realize that even if a woman has some robust parts and pieces – I'm compelled to see her as a whole human being, instead of a menu. That feels pretty good! I’m glad to have evolved a little. All that knuckle-dragging kept my hands dirty, know what I mean?

But … I’ll admit to this one kryptonite that just…  keeps ...doing... that thing to me. 

You know what I’m talking about fellas --- when you feel like a schoolboy who just got seated on the bus next to your #1 crush. Yeah. That.

My poison du jour?  Smart Girls.

  

   

Ever see those old episodes of the Addams Family, where the mom would get all gaga if her mustachioed husband started speaking faux-French?  Well, that’s how I feel when I see a woman talking about molecular biology or recombining nucleic acids. The adrenaline rush of Fight or Flight kicks in. I say flight – because I’m well aware that my manfactured vocabulary-magic will not last long against the Gamma-ray scanning that her actual knowledge and common sense provides. 
Hey -- at heart, I’m an Xbox kinda guy. So the lab coat wearing bio-scientist is going to notice my slack-jawed gaze as I nod along like a six year old watching a kite.

I guess I view smart women as ideal companions. Capable and Confident: she’s more than a mere pin-up plaything could ever hope to be. She's every bit a lady, yet she need not succumb to using her gender as a social crutch: she can compete. She can be her own Knight in Shining Armor. My self-confidence isn't threatened, but enhanced by such company. It's the same if you hang around any capable person really -- -  but when I think about some of the handicaps women have to overcome, a girl who is openly comfortable with her intelligence is honestly a bit brave for doing so. Not everyone is receptive to that type of thing. Women can be their own worst enemies, too. 

While it’s no requirement, I wonder if a lot of professional women are tempted to abandon the media-induced neurosis of the latest lipstick fashions in order to be taken seriously? 

Doesn't matter - I get it. And I'm still 'auto-charmed'. 

Then there’s the graying hair --- oh man, did somebody spike my drink?

She’s talking about How Stuff Works and all I can do is watch her lips move. 

If she's invested her years well, she knows herself.  That's super-attractive in my book!  

  

OF COURSE, ALL OF THIS IS RIDICULOUS – I know.  Just more of the same misogynistic nonsense; retro-fit romantics designed to placate my marginally more mature perspective in life.  Yeah, I’m a smarter ape these days… big deal. I understand that 'appreciating' smart women is about respect, not my own desires. 

Cannibalizing people for their brains is a passion for zombies, mad-scientists and geek fetishes. 

Even so, that prehensile smile wags all over my face as I dream of lady-astronauts and white-coated lab technicians. I imagine myself speaking eloquent multi-syllabic words in return for her company, swaggering as I pepper in hipster phrases that I picked up from the latest Burger King commercial. 

It’s social evolution.  As women socially evolved, I became more Human too, right?  Hm. 

Anyhow – to women out there everywhere:  while the reality of the glass ceiling still exists, things are slowly changing. Please keep proving your resilience to a world which has never understood or treated you fairly. The phrase: Be Yourself doesn’t mean you need keep subscribing to the same sexy cheerleaders and hot nurse fantasies that we men have created in your image. Don't wait for men to liberate you - Liberate Yourself.    

Sure, long legs will always have an appeal... we are all sexual beings. But never let anyone fool you into thinking that your passionate desire to design aerodynamic airfoils isn't valuable, feminine or just downright sensual at times. 

Smart Girls for the Win.

- C.D.

*Of Note:  The author is happily married to two BRILLIANT women and isn't looking for a hook-up or a trade-in. He’s just blathering on about the nonsense which races through his mind like Hot Wheels on those bright orange plastic tracks.

  

If you were entertained, Thank You! If you’re offended, well….. so am I?  I thought I’d outgrow this way of thinking one day. Yet, somehow a part of me is hoping that learning to be a better man still allows for such embellishment to my imagination, curiosity, and odd sense of validated beauty.

I have no dress except the one I wear every day. If you are going to be kind enough to give me one, please let it be practical and dark so that I can put it on afterwards to go to the laboratory.
- Marie Curie