[[ 92 ]] Over and Over Again

In my family, we believe that our hearts are rekindled by novel experiences. 
Thus, each year - we try to take a vacation or two. Often nothing big, even weekend getaways provide a fine opportunity to enjoy and adventure together.

Marie, Rika and I try to mix it up... sometimes taking those trips as a family, or sometimes in pairs. Last year, the girls took a spa vacation together. This year, I'm taking trips with each of them separately. We rotate through all combinations.
The kids are grown up (one still lives at home), so depending on the circumstances, we take one, two or all of them along as well.
The point is that we change up all the time: it's organic, allowing us to constantly adjust in order to provide each other with support and space needed for re-charging.

Below is an email Marie recently wrote from work, after she and I had just returned from a short trip to Virginia Beach. There's nothing particularly remarkable about it - such language between the three of us is the norm. However the insightful mind can find some very evident details within which speak volumes about how our relationship works.

- C.D.

From: Marie 
Sent: Monday, May 09, 2016 10:21 AM
To: (Rika & Charles)
Subject: Hello everybody 

Good Monday Morning !!

What a week off ! It was great to go on vacation and take a break from the ‘every day.’ Charles, you were sweet and cute all the time. I enjoyed our little vaca. You are a good partner; even when times weren’t perfect you make the best of the situation. Love that about us ! The joking around is the best medicine. Teasing you is so much fun ! I would do this over again and again… in every life. 

Rika; thank you so much for the motivation in getting stuff done ! It really helps me feel better when things are in order. I only have one more thing to organize in my room; then I am done for the moment. But, we all know that I will find something else, lol.  Speaking of which; is it okay if I schedule the Salvation Army for 5/12, when you’re home? Unless, you aren’t able to do that day. We’ll figure it out.

I was thinking about the kitchen. I am not feeling the mosaic. I will find another use for the tile we purchased. Maybe the bathrooms? I would like to just get the “real mosaic” and pay the price. While I think the fake stuff is okay, it would look so much better if it was real. We will not be doing the work for that. Hired help will happen….also for the flooring. Anyhow, just an idea. We can talk about it later. Not a hurry.

Thank you both for sharing the beautiful emails you wrote to your moms ! Great job !

Also, Charles…. please go ahead and get the music you want. I will transfer some money from Kemba to make sure we have the funds. You can spend up to $100. I would love to get all the Prince music I can ! I forgot how much I enjoy his music. Thank you for doing that. I will take care of the transfer tomorrow morning. In regards to your bonus. Please feel free to take that money out on Friday.

Rika,

I told Charles yesterday that I am trying to do all my studying Sunday – Thursday. That way I have Friday and Saturday off. This class if very time-intensive. But, I do think I am going to learn a bunch. I just need to stay on task and not procrastinate like I did last semester. This is the information that I need to know, so it’s important. I will be enjoying my weekends with my buddies ! I hope you can keep Fridays open. Miss that time with you.

Charles,

Keep your Saturday clear.  

Off to work

- M.

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SO THEN.... sorry we've been busy! Rika too.  Its been a while since our last articles, we know.

But really - this was just a thing, written so that people who don't get it.. might? At least there was an effort to explain. At this point, I've pretty much moved on... recognizing that some people in your life don't love you, they love their agendas for you.  By the time I was ten, I knew my life was my own --  and I started demonstrating that relentlessly. So I guess I was bound to upset somebody somewhere.  
I'm just sorry how it went down.  

But...  I accept it. 

And really, I'm not sad - as the greater truth remains:  I'm happy with the people I was meant to be with. 

I choose them, because we share an understanding of the heart. I wasn't put here to make other people happy about their own life choices, only to work with my partners on our own shared experience. 

This is my 92nd article. This blog will go to 100 entries, then -- I'm done. Moving on. 
And perhaps  -- something NEW!  Something fresh and more fun!  That's the person I am ... not this 'preachy fellow'...ugh!  That's a thing I had to do for the reasons above. But me? 
Oriented toward the Positive, the Inclusive and the Innovative. 

That's my design. 

---    Circumstance does not make a person, it reveals them.

That's right. For a person with an open mind, there is always some potential to create laughter! To find optimism and understanding in even the most peculiar situations!

I choose that. 

I choose that life. 

Like Marie says in her letter...   over and over again. 

- Charles Dashing. 

[[ 91 ]] Coming Out

When Marie and I came out to my parents about our polyamorous relationship with Rika, they reacted horribly. Granted, it was completely new to them. But it was completely new to us as well - and having never faced such a situation before, the interaction was rife with flaws and confusion on all sides.
I wish I could take it back.

But I can't.

Just as I can't take back things that I did in the 5th grade. Or how my parents can't 'replace' the fact that I grew up in a household that didn't show affection. See....that's the thing about Life: there aren't do-overs. You have to figure it out as you go. In most cases, people are just doing the best they can to make it, even if they're stumbling.
This is never more true than when applied to parents and kids; it isn't always reasonable to think that your family is doing things to you - when more likely, they're doing things because of themselves.
So you should expect mistakes and missteps. You make them?  Others do too.

Attachment conflicts give us the opportunity to consider complex relationship issues and grow. 
When we can't, the results are painful. They should be.

Sadly, my folks couldn't make the leap. They just couldn't find a reason to grow.
We don't speak anymore... 

But we did. Marie, Rika and I.
Over the past six years, we have become much better at knowing how to come out in a way that is more compassionate, understanding and patient with others. Our intent is not to 'convert' them, but to reveal ourselves.

Carefully, yes. But honestly - because no one should have to hide the truth about Love.

- C.D.

*For more from the insightful TheraminTrees - please click here.

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What is the truth about Love, you ask? Ah.  Well, to me - it's this: 

Everything you've ever had, everyone you've ever cared about -- none of it was ever really yours. 

It was just being shared with you all along. 

Time and Circumstance gave it to you. Time and Circumstance will take it away, too. Better off learning to attract, rather than defend what you want. Better off looking to give love, not secure it. 

If that makes you feel threatened and tighten your fists, you will have less in life.

But if you are gracious and smart about it, you can have More. You can give More too. 

--- and that's the real point: 

If we all just gave a little More... there would be enough for everyone.  

[[ 90 ]] To Parents

... when this is the message that your kid is presenting,
           - -  -should you listen, or continue to tell them 'how it is'?

From several different angles, that same thought -












...and to my religious family -

The Paradoxical Commandments

by Dr. Kent M. Keith

1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
   Love them anyway.
2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
   Do good anyway.
3. If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
   Succeed anyway.
4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
   Do good anyway.
5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
   Be honest and frank anyway.
6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
   Think big anyway.
7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
   Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
   Build anyway.
9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
   Help people anyway.
10. Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
    Give the world the best you have anyway.

© 1968, 2001 Kent M. Keith

"The Paradoxical Commandments" were written by Kent M. Keith in 1968 as part of a booklet for student leaders.